magnet emoji

earlier in the year the funeral director said ‘there are thousands of poems on the internet’ and I’m still thinking of that, that is what I’ve thought of the most since august, that is what I think of the most and before that it was of an early wife of neil young’s mending his jeans with her own hair and before that it was the picture of the tornado radar where the storm looks like an angel. I just bought a shirt that says ‘stay warm with me’ because I thought it would make me feel something and it did, thought a lot about who was my last friend to fall in love, still always think of the magnet emoji and of always being in a collecting phase, being an absorber, being just bored enough to remember being fifteen in a park and a guy asking me how do you read a poem right, with the line breaks, how do you pause and I think I said you just go the whole way through, mostly without a breath if you can

Before the tornado image what I thought of the most was how they’re inventing universal artificial blood (the first line in my entire notes documents is once I had a job where I called people up and asked for their blood, for a short story, the last is you can be gracious as hell and it doesn’t matter). At some point in there it was long haul truckers moving bees around the country for crop pollination (again) and supply chains (again), before that shooting star telescope stills for years and years, midnight x 2 (saw you in the other room), a cool devotion, does it all feel familiar forever (yes)

There are thousands of poems on the internet there are thousands of things I could pick out that I have held on to, I can almost always remember where the notes come from,

artificial moon real cigarette (out late) / girls bleaching halos into their hair (from the internet) / braiding horse tails for a living, night work (from the internet) / collect the mirror (from listening to a song) / ‘to tell me you love me in your sleep’ (for work now but adjusted from something I wrote a long time ago) / reunion of two wild horses (from the internet) / cut a butterfly out of cardboard (wrote this down in between emails) / go to sleep in your wedding ring (from a picture) / ‘pining a canvas to a wall outside and burning it because I’d seen it in a movie’ (from a movie) / learn how to read for majors - tornadoes (from a video, from the internet) / my back touching the back of the person behind me out in the smoking section at the bar (around 8 pm a few weeks ago) / hope to go a long ways (from a video, from the internet), to see her hair and the grass blowing in the same direction, same colour, same light (the thought immediately after the video for hope to go a long ways) / at home, not having my things, men’s deodorant and chocolate milk in my coffee, (before a funeral, sitting on a bed) / telling me it was an engravable heart on her necklace but she didn’t know what she wanted it to say yet (from a conversation)

The line that has been the most stuck for over a year now is we cannot help but apply intimacy and I don’t know where it goes yet, only that it’s meant to be the very start of something, like it so much but not able to explain, maybe I don’t need to, along with being into airy things, to always wanting to have that transparent feeling that only comes with very little sleep, and I am on fever time which I guess means time has been harder to place this year, and that’s just fine, all in effort to say I will probably not ever run out of things to write about